Esprit d’escalier

Just now, on my way home, I saw a driver nearly hit a motorbike, noticed that he was talking on his mobile, and decided to cause a bit of well-deserved havoc. So I overtook the car, and stopped right in front of it, making it very clear that I wasn’t going to move until he’d put the phone down.

And, incredibly, he shrugged, and carried on talking. A queue started to form behind him. Nobody sounded their horn. I think they could see that I was deliberately holding up the traffic, and wanted to find out what was going on. The driver carried on talking. I sat back on my saddle and folded my arms. He carried on talking. The woman in the 4X4 behind him pulled out and overtook him, and a couple of other people followed.

Several minutes had passed by now, and he was showing no sign of ending his conversation. And because of the light reflecting off his windscreen, I couldn’t really see whether he was angry, smug, or just totally ignoring me. Eventually I got bored and rode off, but not before I had very ostentatiously made a note of his licence plate. And only then did I remember that I had my camera right there in my pocket. So next time… And I’ll post it here, I promise!

In other news, I went for a walk at the weekend. It really was a very nice walk, and I felt just like a normal person on a bank holiday. I saw bluebell woods

and stately homes.

But ever since I’ve been in agony. My ankles hurt. My calf muscles are all stiff and sore. My knees are all creaky. The soles of my feet wince every time they make contact with the ground. And I have a blister the size of a golf ball on my left heel. I’m alright when I’m on the bike – but as soon as I have to get off and walk I stagger and wobble and limp and lurch, and look like someone who’s had six pints, on top of a hideous debilitating illness. I find myself parking as close as possible to the buildings I’m delivering to, so as to cut down on the number of steps I’ll have to take. Walking upstairs makes me want to cry.

This is ridiculous. I’m never walking again.

Further irrelevant news: I got home this evening to find someone had laid an egg outside my front door.

I don’t know whether this is a good omen, or the avian equivalent of a horse’s head.